Way Overdue...

Wow! It's been a couple of months since my last blog. A ton of things have happened; therefore, my mind has been in whirls of pensive thought. To begin, this past Saturday, my amazing grandmother passed away. She practically raised my sister and me throughout our childhood. She was only 72 and it seems so incredulous to me that she's gone. It was so sudden...she collapsed last Friday night and was hospitalized and in a week she's gone. She's had health problems but wasn't supposed to be this early. She was so awesome and loved all of her grandkids. She was so patient and loving. It's a little over a year since my other grandmother died. I have to stop writing, tears are welling up.

Death has been one of the things constantly running through my mind. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine, older brother, committed suicide. Man, that was surreal. I'm not sure if any one of us knew how to respond/react to that. It seems as though he suffered from bipolar mental disorder. But when you met him, he seemed so normal and just a regular guy. At the viewing, my friend read the last journal entry of his and all he wrote down was, "I am a child of God, a child of God, a child of God" repeatedly. He jumped off the George Washington bridge and must of died immediatedly because it was freezing.

About a week ago, my close, close friend almost got into a huge car accident, and it really shook her up. I am so thankful she's not gone. Sigh of relief!

I was driving up from the NJ Turnpike and literally witnessed a multi-car accident where I saw a car tire shoot straight up into the air. Blessedly, I was driving slower than usual and I was 5 cars away from the accident. My heart raced at the site of the accident.

To be honest, God knows I don't feel ready to die or ever ready for anything that will require a sacrifice. My question is..."are we or am I ever ready for anything?" It is written in Romans, "For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you though Christ from the power of sin that leads to death...so you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves...for the Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us we're God's children." Why is it that most of the time I feel like a cowering, fearful slave? I know I am a child of God, yet why do I lack so much trust. So far, my twenties have been a consistent whirlwind of transitions and change. Most unplanned, some planned. However, has it really built more trust in Him? Have I learned to love Him more? Has He become my all in all? How about my heart...has it hardened or has it softened? I hope so...I better have.

Truly, as I am learning more of who I am with the Lord and how He's shaping me, things of this world is slowly passing away. GOD, you are sovereign and good.

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever." 2 Cor. 4: 16-18

On a somewhat brigher note, I have resigned from my job at L'Oreal and will be working at a new job at Liz Claiborne starting March 19th. L'Oreal is great and the team I work for are fabulous, but just can't understand the the whole life/balance thing. The Liz office is in NJ, about a 20 minute drive and I will be doing something that is somewhat related. It has just as great benefits as well as set working hours. 9-5. Yes!

Jaden's growing at rapid speed and is learning a ton of things at daycare. His major milestone is that he's speaking in sentences. His daycare functions as a preschool. They even take class pictures. After the summer program, Jaden will be entering Pre K 3. It's great!

This must be the year! I have 5 weddings to go to and 6 of my girlfriends are pregnant. Three with their firsts, one with her 2nd, one on her 4th, one on her 3rd. Crazy! I am craving for my second, definitely. We'll see! :)

Here's pics for you to enjoy... ALL in ALL I love every one of you who has been and is part of my life!

Where's the balance?

So, it's been quite a while since my last blog. To be honest, it's been incredibly busy at work. My manager resigned 3 weeks ago and thus, in two months time at L'Oreal, I'm pounded with a ton of work. Reports after reports for upper management, getting used to all the systems, learning the business, I'm bogged down. For the last 3 weeks, I've been coming home at 7:30pm-8pm every night. It's seriously not fun. I'm exhausted. Pray for me. It's really weird to reconnect back to NYC life. People who stay at work till 8pm and go out afterwards for drinks and such.

For me, finding the balance is still a work in progress. I know I'll find it soon!

I'll write more later.

Another year older!

HEY ALL!

TODAY IS WON'S 28th BIRTHDAY! PLEASE WISH HIM MANY BLESSINGS AND LOVE thru email, phone, blog, and etc.!

Update

So, it's Friday...and it's summer hours at work, so I got home by 2pm. The weather here has been intolerably hot, way into the 100's all week. We are going to a barbecue tomorrow, it's going to be hot, but it'll be fun. My first week at work was good, and training has been pretty intense. My supervisor showed me all the knicks and crannies of our systems and reports. A little complicated, but with time, I'll get used to them. L'Oreal is a great company thus far, with an amazing load of benefits. I do feel a little out of the loop with the whole NYC thing. Now that I'm a mom, it's very different. The VP and Director of my department are in their early 40's, married only for 3 years and don't have any children. I mean, they were shocked when they found out that I was a mommy. They had the look. It's so rare to be a mommy so young here. I can tell it's going to be a challenge for me...they will not understand why i can't work late all the time and such. Yikes! God's really showing me how precious Jaden is...how treasured our kiddies are. I know if I tried really, really hard, I can be a full-time stay at home mom, teaching the alphabet, showing them how to do crafts and such, but things like that are hard for me on a daily basis. I tried it for 2 years. The reasons for me working, isn't b/c I want a lifestyle where I can buy anything, keep up with the Jones', run in the rat race, or that I'm building my value/identity in performance. God's worked thru those issues and is continuing to. I just enjoy work...I believe it can be that simple. Seriously, I don't believe that I worked at Chanel or even now at L'Oreal, these top companies on my own merit. I firmly believe God wants to use me as a vessel for women and beauty. A training ground. We'll see. God has been really good and it's deeply left me thankful and humbled. Through work, Won met a Christian woman, Shaunice, who has 2 children and is a full-time working mom. She invited us to a barbecue and I was able to chat with her and she has been an incredible blessing and someone who I can relate to. Right now, at our church, we have been going through a series on intimacy with the Lord. Our pastor really feels that we should always delve deeper in intimacy, being honest. Along with this, he spoke on slander/power of the tongue especially again each other in Christ. We should instead learn and practice and renew our mindsets to be genuinely happy for one another. Have a sound mind...our lives all look different, learn similar lessons through different circumstances, BE GOOD and HAPPY for each other. Gal 5: 25 writes, "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Why is that so hard in the church?

So, if I had hurt anybody through my words, gossip and actions...FORGIVE ME. Please tell me too. I am in the continuing process of maturing and coming to the light of Christ. As I look back or as God continues "grow" me, I realize how dense I am sometimes. Just like an artist, God defines the very lines of my profile, etching my mindset, and repolishing my character. I've always felt that one of my quests in life is this: 1 Thess. 11-12, "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

Well, it turns out Jaden is doing relatively well at daycare. The first day was a bit rough...crying spells her and there, but he perservered. Then, the crying became less and less. He plays, paints, glues, draws, reads books and goes out walking. He is in a classroom of only 5 other kids his age..he's the youngest though. Miss Annette, his teacher, has a lovely British accent and fills out a very detailed sheet of his daily schedule. Plus, they offer lunch! Thanks for the prayers everyone!

Now that I've started work, the idea of an attempt to penetrate into the world of working mom seems more overwhelming. But, a compelling desire to infiltrate the NYC pulls me closer to its midst. So, pray for me!

Here's a recent pic of my little booger. Enjoy.

Are you listening?

L'Oreal offered me the job! So, they called me about 2 weeks ago and asked me to come in for another interview...my 5th and I met with everyone I will be working with and a couple of hours after my interview, they called and offered me the position. I am working as a Sales Analyst for the Luxury products division, which include Kiehl's, Shu Uemuera, Garnier, Giorgio Armani cosmetics, Ralph Lauren and etc. I am super excited! It's located in NYC, so I will be back in the Fashion Capital of the world. Primarily, my job entails a ton of mathematical formulas and Excel spreadsheets. I am analyzing sales trends for our products, doing transfers, sell-thrus, and research our competitor's business. I love doing reports! It'll be another huge transition after being out of the workforce for about 2 years. Won and I are working out some options regarding Jaden (daycare, nanny, etc) and having family near is soooooooo helpful. I'll let you know how everything turns out. My start date is August 1st. God has been so good to us through all of our many and sudden changes.

Pray for me b/c being apart from Jaden will be extremely difficult if not excrutiatingly painful. He's won me over completely! I'm not sure if many mommies will understand, but I truly believe that God has put a deep heart for the corporate world in me. Yes, motherhood is truly amazing and is a huge piece of who I am, but God has also put a smaller yet significant call for me in the workforce as well. I feel as though I will learn how to balance that during this season... I have to trust that if He's truly called me to work that God has also shaped Jaden to adjust to that without traumatic effects on his life. Who knows...maybe I'll discover motherhood got to me and has become my sole purpose? I have to at least give it a try!:)

On another note, I believe Ravi Zacharias is one of the greatest Christian thinkers of our time. (I have to say that Rev. Tim Keller of Redeemer church in NY, John Piper, and Dr. Joel Hunter of Northland come very close.) I've always enjoyed messages when speakers refer to other posthumously renowned thinkers such as C.S. Lewis, F. Bonhoffer, St. Augustine, B. Pascal, Watchman Nee, N.T. Wright, & etc. A while back, I read his book, Cries of the Heart, and it challenged me in a myriad of ways on the state of our human hearts. Each chapter leaves you with gnawing questions to soulfully probe and comprehend our own state of mind and truly coming to terms with it in our being. He covers topics such as knowledge of God, a guilty conscience, a reason in suffering, faith, a freedom in pleasure, loneliness, God for His people. This book definitely reassures that God is consumate answer to every heart cry. Ravi is an intelluctual genius, an apologetics genius, I should add. It's an amazing read...please read it, but beware, it's one of those books that every chapter is so enlightening and thought-provoking that you need a certain amount of time to assess and digest it. I'm not certain why enjoy reading books that challenge me and even at times, that make me feel uncomfortable. It's odd really, I hate physical lifestyle changes and have such a strenous time adjusting to them yet at the core I truly indulge myself in a quest for growth, which in fact happens through change. I guess changes are good...even the bad ones b/c you gain the experience and learn from them. I firmly believe who you are at the core determines the kind of life you live out for God. My hope is that my life is a daily reflection of my core and it pleases God. All I know is that all of us are on this journey and it's so awesome to have generous people and insightful resources to help us along.

I'll leave you with a quote by the author himself, " When God speaks there are no ploys, no gimmicks. Only life-defining truth. When He speaks we will be soothed by His touch, and we will rest in His comfort, knowing that He has heard our cries and has come near in our need."
Reassuring. God is good.

I'm still in the process of reading Life of Pi...pretty good...there's a ton of good, insightful quotes.